Fire + Rain = Steam

It's been awhile since I've written a poem, but here it is

Fire + Rain = Steam


Setting fire to the rain
Because I can’t take the pain
The pain that engulfs my heart
It’s the pain I feel when we’re apart
I know I know I shouldn’t let it show
I realize I realize that the tears will weld up in my eyes
But I cant help myself in this moment of heart ache
Because I can feel the heartbeat of destiny in our fate
It has your eyes, your lips, and your smile
It has your warm touch that lingers for awhile
It has your voice that echos sweetly in my memory
Please don’t let my attempts to love you fail in vain
Please don’t leave me standing in violet rain
I know when something is right for me
And right now that right is you
But the closest I get to you is always at least one word away
Always an and…
So I set fire to the rain because I just can’t take the pain
Exhausting my mind beyond it limits, while I exhaust my energy to nothingness
O sweet ignorance….how beautiful is this
I loved you because never once in my thousand in one nights of dreams did I dream of you
You came from a path traveled from a far when I thought love was thru
Suddenly I felt myself in quick and lofty flight as we talked through the night
And how beautiful you seemed way up there far from my always idiot heart
Like a lost bird, I let you rest in my precious part
Only to realize you would fly off again right after dawn
Damn loving love songs
I hoped you’d be not like the romantic one, who in love set me on fire
But I guess everything in life can expire
So I set fire to the rain because a bleeding heart is an unwashable stain.

Letter 2 to Frankie

Hey Frankie! How are you? I hope you are doing well and smiling. I just got in from hanging out with Victor and a cousin, who I already forgot her name....but she was such a sweet heart! I don't know if you know, but I simply love your family! They are so loving, sweet, kind and full of life :) It's amazing! I wish I spent more time with them, but it's hard when school and work keep you so busy...I guess I'm living too fast huh? :P I promise though, that I stop to smell the roses and appreciate them. As for Victor, he came back home and is going to school in Oakton. He and Nikki are still together and doing just fine. I'm happy for them, I love Victor and I love her...I really hope they last. I had a really long talk with Victor about you and about my brother. You know it's funny, sometimes words just don't fully embody our feelings and sometimes when it does, it just seems sooo surreal. Sometimes, I feel like I've known you forever and that I just seen your smile the other day. That feeling comes to me soo...whats the word? welcomingly familiar because of the way your friends and family talk about you. You are an amazing man, sooo inspiring, soo funny ( yes I know about the microwave lol), so smart and knowledgeable, so handsome, polite and thoughtful. I really wish we had talked and I got to know you, but we are talking now right? That's what matters. I just wanted to say hi, and wish you well and remind you of how amazing you are. Going to bed now, night :)

ps. If you could please watch over N.T.N and help to keep him on track, I would appreciate it so much! :) And I know he would too. Thanks!

Mad, Mad, Mad World

Before I go to bed, I just felt like I needed to blog this. Since the incarceration of someone really dear to me, I've noticed there a lot of trouble youths out there. Every day it seems that everyday, there is a youth being arrested and sentenced. Our county jails and prisons are becoming overpopulated with incarcerated youths. Now, I'm not saying that everyone in jail or prison deserves whatever they are dealing with, nor am I taking any sides. The last 8 months of my life have shown me that there are many sides to a story and it's normally not just 1 individual's fault.
Any who, I saw an article that featured a high school friend who stopped a robbery at a train station.

Ahhhh, Good ol' New Year

Happy New Year Blog! :) I was very tempted to vent out my recent frustrations on you the other day, but so many of my blogs have been dedicated to it, that I decided not to, and to just work it off. Which at first was a little hard to do with all the emotions I was feeling, but music has always and will always make me feel better. Any who, today is better and I'm excited for the new year. 2011 was a mix of ups and downs, goods and bads. I can honestly say that the goods I experienced where a direct result of my hard work, dedication and determination. :) So yay me! :) But I've noticed even years ( 06,08,10, and now 12) have all been good years to me, soooo I'm hoping that it keeps this trend lol It's funny because I just ate a fortune cookie a few hours ago, and normally I get all this coocky messages that I never understand, and then I start wondering what was this Chinese man on when he wrote this and stuffed it into a cookie?! lol Anyways thats besides the point. I opened the cookie, ate half and opened up the little message. Of course I was expecting some random Kung-Fu Panda message that only Master Shifu would understand, but my cookie actually

Every Song Reminds Me Of You

Dear Brother,

It seems like time has passed us by because it is now winter and I can't remember the last time I hugged you. However, what time doesn't know is, while yes it has passed us, we have become strong since. You and I have something that I didn't know would be here so soon. I knew it would come, but I just didn't know when. While I am glad its here, I am also a little sad to know you and I aren't together to celebrate it. By "it" I mean our brother/sister relationship.However, I do know that as a family, we are still in the thick of the storm. It's not as thick now as it has been, but as each day passes, the storm thins out and I just know that one day it won't be able to thin out any more because it will be gone. And when that day happens, the sun will shine and you will be home again. As I said before, it hurts to know there are days spent without you, but everyday without you, is one more day closer to being with you.

You know it's funny, there's a saying I've heard so many times as I was a teenager, but I never really understood it until now. Throughout the years, I use to think of which side I stood and which side was better. Many people who had come to their own understanding of the saying would tell me that their side was better.I use to go back and forth on it, but I think I've finally picked a side. The saying is " Some see the glass as half full or half empty." I think I am one that sees the glass as half full, and I am content with that. For me, to hear something is half empty, it just sounds bad to me, as a loss. But with something half full, there's something positive about it, something to gain. So I see all of this as a learning experience, a personal reason to educate others, as a reminder to live our lives with more awareness, and to just educate ourselves on as much as we can on whatever.Therefore making the glass half full. I suppose that its just the optimistic nature in me, but if one where to let negativity consume their mind, then what kind of life would that be?

I have to admit, since the first night without you, I've had you picture as my screen saver, and it has not changed since. And to tell you the truth, I don't get tired of looking at your face and your smile every time I turn on my screen name or log myself off. Your picture reminds me of a day that had a good ending, a day I will never forget. Of course mom and I got into an argument that day, I realized that from here on out, everything I did got me to where I was, which was walking across that stage to get my high school diploma. High school wasn't easy that's for sure, well looking back on the work, it was. But the growing up that comes with high school wasn't. I felt so proud though, I raised my hand in the air and I knew this was just the beginning of my life. I graduated with friends and I spent the day with my family, people who love me not matter what mistake I've made. And that brings me to my next point.

No matter what mistake you have made in life, your family loves you more than anything. While we hope that you will listen to our warnings and to what we say, we know that may not always be the case all the time. But I do hope that considering what's going on, you really do consider what you will do and just really analyze everything before you act and make the right choice. You are a lot smarter than you think yourself to be and a lot stronger too! So don't forget that.

I also wanted to say, when I look at you, I see a different person. Someone who has learned from their mistakes and is humbled by them. I see a young man so full of ambition, love and aspiration. You have done a complete turn about my love, and I AM PROUD OF YOU! I can see only good and amazing things to come from you, so please keep your head up little brother!

Lastly, I want to leave you with a status I put on my fb

"I just want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE BROTHER! :) You're not so little anymore, because in all actuality, you are taller and stronger than me. however you will always be my little brother. I just want you to know that even through all of our fights and arguments, even when you scare me and I dislike that, I wouldn't ask for another brother.I miss you and love you terribly. I hope God blesses you with the wisdom, understanding, strength, perseverance, and better health you may not have had last year. That you realize your family and friends love you so very much and you are awesome. Happy birthday and love you so much, your sister! ♥ Happy 21st braazsha!"


Love Always,

Your Sister

Life just happens...

You know, social networking sites are amazing! Who'd know you'd find your classmates from grammar school, you high school crush, a family member you haven't seen in years or even someone you work with. What all of these people have in common is that they all have some sort of relationship to you; friend, sweethearts, family, co worker etc. And the other day, I added some friends from grammar school, talked to some friends from high school, some friends from college and seen pics from family members I only see once a year and it made me realize that life just happens. I know people who are married or getting married, who have kids now or are expecting, people who have died, people who live in some other city of the world, people who have occupations I would have never guessed they would have, and some people who I just don't see anymore. And while life has changed my ability to talk and see these people, that doesn't stop me from missing them and thinking of them. I've come to realize that life just happens, most of the time we don't plan for what does happen, it just happens. But we adjust and continue living. There's people who are in different situations than I am in and it makes me appreciative of where I'm at in my life, good and bad. I just want life to know that I know she will throw me a curve ball when I'm least expecting, but I know I am a strong enough person to adjust to the curve ball and keep moving. So while I may not like all the changes life will put me through, I think I can honestly say, that's fine.

Just some food for thought

Thanks giving, always a nice way to say thank you!

Lately life hasn't been feeling very festive like it normally does, and I think it has to do with 1) I'm not a kid anymore and that holiday excitement has lost that luster and 2)well the obvious, that there are some people in my life that I am not with anymore. But that 2nd reason is the exact reason to why I am so thankful. I realize that a year ago, I had a lot in my life that I took for granted. I had a best friend that while I spent almost every waking moment with, it never occurred to me that one day I may not have that. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy our awesome friendship or make a bunch of memorable memories with her, CAUSE I DID! I guess I just thought that this day where it wouldn't be her and I wouldn't come and certainly not so fast. I miss her everyday and even though we don't talk as often as we did, and I haven't seen her in like half a year, I LOVE HER LIKE SHE WAS JUST A BUS RIDE AWAY :) But now that I'm not spending a thanksgiving with her, it makes me a little sad, but it makes me appreciate the time that I did spend with her and the awesome memories, pictures and videos I have of us together.

Next there's my brother who, once we both became teenagers, we kind of went out our separate ways. Thinking back to a year ago, my brother and I would eat so much at thanksgiving, and of course he would finish before me. But because I blocked his way out of his seat, he had to wait for me to finish. Then I would clear my place and head upstairs to fall asleep to Jeff Dunahm's Christmas, hog the remote, and take over the sofa. *laughs to myself* I wouldn't share the sofa, I'd tell him to sit in the chair or on the floor, but then when my back began to hurt, I'd roll on the floor and he'd be there to quickly take my spot on the sofa. We would often bicker about what to watch on TV and idk, I always seemed to win that one, but we would switch off on channels. Eventually mom would come upstairs, find us still like fat slugs digesting our food, and she'd tell us to come downstairs for dessert. Then there was always X-mas shopping. Of course my brother and I would bicker about who was going to wait in the warm car first. At the end of the whole thanksgiving festivities, I'd be frustrated from the crowds, and still fat from the food , and like I'd want my space from my family for a couple hours, but I wouldn't change a single thanksgiving that has passed. I wouldn't take back the bickering, the arguments, the headaches, the laughs, the memories, the jokes or anything because those are the things that makes my thanksgivings so memorable. I obviously can't be with my brother this year, but that doesn't mean I don't think of him every minute of the day, that I don't miss him, or stop loving him. In reality, I think of him every second my mind is free to think, I miss him and love him as much as I possibly can in respect to our situation. I just want him to know that I look forward to thanksgivings with him again soon and that I love him very much!