Just one of those things

I was watching a favorite TV show of mine, and one of the characters said "this must be why life comes before love in the dictionary."

 How true is that? Isn't it? Time doesn't stop ticking and the world doesn't stop spinning just because your heart feels like it does. Everything just keeps going. Now, whether or not those love feelings stay as is or grow into something more...well that's up to fate.

 But it's this cycle of learning to just love in the moment and let go, it's what keeps us going...at least that's how I see it. I'm not up there in age,and yea I don't have 50+ years of life experience, but I think every life experience counts. Therefore I believe it's not difficult to love someone, it's falling in love with someone and being in love with them that can send you for a doozy.

 So I guess this is more for me than anyone else. I mean, if he knew...that would be cool, but I doubt it would make a difference in his mind, as his mind is already made up. So this is my way of slowly letting go, and trying to refocus my attention and energies solely on me,my goals and my priorities. I suppose I will always be that beautiful melody line, and I will always have a certain memory associated with my name. But I realize I'm more than just a heartfelt lullaby that you string onto your mind's clothes line.

I don't want to be remembered or treated as that purple stripped shirt you picked up and forgot to give back, or as a 2 hour time difference drive away, or as that neon wristband that lost it's glow, or as the ink on the receipt that faded away. I want to be something more special than that, and at the moment, the only one who understands and sees that is me.

You ask all the time why I have to be that cold, and its because I'm human! If I don't prepare myself for what can happen, then I'm stuck with could haves, should haves, would haves.

 So that's it, do you understand? What does it matter, you can't hear this, your eyes will just skim over it, and your mouth will still tell me the things I wish you felt instead of just said.

I remember quite a few times you tested me, to see if I'd really do the things I said I wouldn't. I did...and I felt bad for doing them. But this time around...it's just for me. I will do what I always do, which is ball this all up. Think of how far I'll throw this and forget that I left it somewhere in the cold intersection of 42 and -87.

It was just one of those things, just one of those crazy flings, one of those bells that now and then ring. just one of those things