And It All Falls Down

Ughhhhhhhhh, I think I should start by saying OMG THIS FREAKIN SUCKS! TODAY IS CRAP! THINGS JUST SEEMS BE GOING ASS BACKWARDS!

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Mmmmmm ok, I think I'm ok now. You ever just feel like nothing fits? I'm trying to find a song to fit my mood to help cool down this mood, but all I got is "All Falls Down" - Kanye West, thanks for trying Kanye. But anyways this blog is going to be about everything that just seems to be bothering me

1. School
------------> So last semester I managed to be an active member in 3 organizations while balancing 7 classes and life. Surprisingly I pulled it all off! I had 3 A's, 3 B's and 1 C and raised up my GPA. I came into the fall semester thinking, I CAN DO THIS! I now have 6 classes and active in 1 org. This semester started off very promising and good. Now....it feels like everything is just falling apart. I find myself not wanting to go to certain classes, pushing some of those classes' homework til the last minute. Idk. I think I dedicate myself to my music classes more than anything just cause I'm right there ( being accepted into the Department of Music) and the rest of my classes are like neh whatever. But I am trying...trying to be on time to class, to pay attention, to study correctly according to me, pass tests and overall trying to learn something from these classes while enjoying them. It feels like a ridiculous balancing act and like the game sorry, like as soon as I move up 2 spaces, something bumps me back to start. Idk what's wrong with me. I spend more time in the Library studying and doing homework than anything. I was able to do all of this in high school and I've gotten better at doing all of this in college. However, I still find myself struggling to tread in the water of life.

2. Money
----------> Well I was suppose to go to Puerto Rico this winter for X-mas and New Years, but the money I got back from school (which is what I was going to use to pay for my ticket) was used for rent. Which at first kind of pissed me off cause I had no idea that the majority of that money was going to be used, but hey.....gotta have a roof over my head right? So I've let go of the idea of finally enjoying myself on a sandy beach on la isla del encanto while its a slushy,blistery, below 0 holiday season in Chicago. But now it just feels like I got every bill in the world to pay and there's just no enjoying or using a little bit of the money I make to enjoy myself. And it's like everyone close to me is hurting for money, my parents, my best friend. Ugh


I just feel like I need more than 24 hours in a day to do what ever I need to do AND get enough sleep.

BUT! I do thank God for everything in my life

A home with a roof and heat and running water
Food
The wellness of my family and friends
Good friends
Good memories
Good opportunities
Good and fun teachers who really care
Music
An awesome boyfriend who makes me laugh all the time and answers his phone even when he's sleeping
And the wellness of myself

Some how I just need to freeze time and figure out things and work around it. Please help me and wish me well....

Oh! I forgot to mention I woke up this morning and it was JUST CRAPPY OUT! Raining and windy and all that crap. I don't know about you but the weather affects me, like how I am when I wake up in the morning. So since today was just crappy, I woke up crappy, and had a crappy morning, BUT hopefully it won't be a crappy day.


Thanks for hearing me out

A letter to Frankie :)

hey frankie :) i know i didn't know you and i only met you once, but i have to say not a day passes where i don't think of you and what you stood for. everyday i face new people, challenges, opportunities and with every "new" that comes into the picture I wonder where it could take me. In my 20 years of living, I've already done some great things, seen some pretty cool things and experienced things I'll never forget. And for that I would like to thank you, if i hadn't heard what you had to say, I don't think I would have ever done the things I've done or encouraged others to do the same. YOU ARE AMAZING! :) and I'm soo happy to say the Victor is doing great! :) He played a great Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls, he graduated, found himself a great girlfriend, surrounded himself with the love of great friends and family, and is now going to school in Iowa. I've always felt that Victor was going to do great things, and I've felt this since the 1st day I met him...but I'm happy to say that you are one of the most influential pushes that will push him through the good and bad to do the best he can do. I really wish I could have met you and gotten to know you :/ well Ima knock out, but thank you for everything :) I'll keep in touch :)

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Where to begin? Well as some of you may know, my summer really hasn't been a summer. My summer has been filled with working, interning,school and getting ready for school, of course I've made some time to hang out with friends and family...but I wish I could have had more time. But anyyyyyyyyywhooooooo after running a couple of errands and taking a break to read this awesome book I walked home just buzzing with thoughts. My mind was full of the chapter I just read and my tongue was happily savoring the taste of my dark chocolate Almond Joy and that's when it hit me...sometimes we become so occupied with school, work, and an endless list of "to do's" that we forget about the little things that make us happy...the little things that ultimately make life beautiful. So here is a list of some of my favorite things

reading and eating dark chocolate Almond Joys<>feeling fresh summer grass beneath my bare feet<> watching the sunset on a summer or fall evening<> watching the fireworks on the forth of July<> Taking a cold shower after a hot day<> The beautiful strumming of a Spanish guitar<> an iced Sangria<>Sleeping in <> hearing "I love you" from someone you really love<> standing in your back yard and letting a summer rain soak you as thunder and lightning go off above you<>Seeing the first signs of Spring<> a warm family filled home on Thanksgiving<> Scaring the shit out of your friend and laughing for 5 minutes because they jumped 5 feet in every direction<>The excitment a new year brings<>The bittersweet/nervous feeling of asking someone if they like you<> Chicago's skyline at night<> The feeling of accomplishment<> Reading a bedtime story to your children/little siblings/nieces or nephews/cousins<> The thrill when you're on a roller coaster<> The sincere hug from a best friend<> A home cooked meal<>Watching an eclipse<> Jamming to your favorite song on the radio<>Watching Master Chef while delighting yourself in a bowl of butter pecan ice cream with chocolate syrup on top<> Laughing at the movie Home Alone<> The 1st exhale of some good Hookah<>Listening to an Orchestra play

While my list of favorite things can go on, at the moment I can't seem to think of more...so with that said, take what I've just said into consideration and appreciate life a little bit more.Also, while some of your favorite things can be enjoyed so much better with someone else, sometimes some things are just better enjoyed alone.

Be inspired and grateful

My Baby You: Lieben Kitty

Aye, soooo as many of you might know, I have a new cat, got her a week after my grandfather's cat pass ( R.I.P. Gato). It didnt take me very long to start loving her. A week into adopting her, she came down with what i call the "kennel flu", where she comes to a new home and just the new environment makes her a lil sicky. I kid you not, she was having probs breathing and sneezing all the time. I would take her in the bathroom with me while I took a steaming shower. At night i would keep her under the blankets with me, so she would share my heat and even wen she sneezed all over me, i was there to wipe her nose. I even go out of the city to get a special cat food that she likes. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER!!!! Tonight my mom noticed she had been licking 1 paw alot, i look and it looked like a booboo :( I haven't gotten her pet insurance yet cause I havent had the funding to do so, but I'm so worried. I washed her booboo and i could tell it hurt her, i hope she doesnt hate me now cause it might have hurt her. :( I just hope that what ever she has is curable and I can continue to love her for the next 10-15 years. Its funny because I think I finally have an idea of what a parent goes through.

As a parent, you have this child or infant who is new to everything. While they get use to this new world, they are learning 1 of the most important lessons of life and that is to trust. So here you have this baby who can't do anything for themselves so they have to trust that you will do everything for them to keep them healthy ( of course many would argue babies don't know that, but i believe deep down in their tiny hearts, they know). So because they are still babies, they can't really communicate with you...you have ideas on what they want and what you think they are saying to you...but you still don't know. The great thing about it all though, is day in and day out, they are there, waiting for you, there to see you every moment of the day...and regardless of how crappy your day went or even how crazy they make you....you can't help but smile when you see them. Then your baby gets older and here they are, making friends with mischief and getting into everything. As a loving parent the most common phrase they will hear you say ( outside of "I love you") is "NO!!!". At some point they understand no, but still do it anyway....just because. But what you don't realize until you feel it is YOU LOVE THEM! You love them soo much that when they are hurt or cry and they can't tell you why, you are amazingly miserable for the fact you can only do so much to help. You love them soo much that you would walk to the other side of the world on glass barefooted just to get them or help them. That they could both physically and emotionally hurt you, but you still cant stop loving them. Now I don't know if this is parental love, but IT IS TRUE LOVE.

This is dedicated to you my Lieben, because you make me laugh, because you look for me when I get home, because you wake me up just to feed you and because I know you love me and because I love you


This is also dedicated to my nephews ( Giovanni and Ivan) and my Aspira babies!

Our Song: A Poem by Me

Our Song
Written by J.N.

In memory of El Mio


What was once our song, is now so long gone
Well not really, but the emotional pull is so strong, can you still feel me?
So now when I hear that B to A , that A to a G, that G to an Fb, that Fb to an E
I think this was me, this was you….this was us
Was it a gust of lust?
The domination of infatuation?
Or were we just so much into each other that we didn’t take the time to listen to what we should have heard?
Which was the sound in between our words
As I write, that solo plays in my mind’s ear
And how I wish to get it out of my head, its still there


BEEE, AY, GEE, F flat, AY E, EEE


And it keeps going…
It goes to the trills which give me electric chills
To imagine your fingers tips caressing me just as passionate as you touch you frets
I try to forget, and it’s hard because I can’t or maybe I just don’t want to
Fantasies and day dreams of us together seem to drift out of my reality as you rift into an inferno tonality
Slips right through the piano cracks and is erased off my manuscript
But I guess this is it,
This solo will always vamp your in key, which will always sound perfect to me

Because this was our song

Why Don't You Love Me?

I was doing my Poetry homework when I realized something and I just had to be like fuck it, I'M BLOGGIN! So here I am.

So I've been thinking about it, and while I was happy past found me the other day...I've come to notice that past only wants me as much as past talks...which doesn't seem to be very much. So it leaves me to think...past do you really need me like you said you did and do? Do you really want me like you said you did and do? Do you really want a present and future with me like you say you do? I don't know about you past...Not to sound conceited or anything but if you really wanted me that much, why don't you fight for it? Why must I question it out of you? The only thing you have over present is a history with me...that's it.Ugh I told myself I wasn't going to be here again...again like this...wanting you, waiting for you, bending at your will, putting myself out there while you just sit there relaxing. Past you told me that you took me for granted and yet that's all you seem to be doing...all over again. You commit yourself to everything else but the thought of me. This song sums it up perfectly

Why Don't You Love Me - Beyonce

Now, now, now, honey
You better sit down and look around
Cause you must've bumped yo' head
And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby
I'd hate to see you come home, me the kids
And the dog is gone
Check my credentials...
I give you everything you want everything you need
Even your friends say I'm a good woman
All I need to know is why?

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
And why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

I got beauty, I got class
I got style, and I got @ss
And you don't even care to care
Looka here
I even put money in the bank account
Don't have to ask no one to help me out
You don't even notice that

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

I got beauty, I got heart
Keep my head in them books, I'm sharp
But you don't care to know I'm smart
Now, now now now now now now
I got moves in your bedroom
Keep you happy with the nasty things I do
But you don't seem to be in tune
Ooh.....

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

There's nothing not to love about me
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me
I'm lovely
There's nothing not to need about me
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me
Maybe you're just not the one
Or maybe you're just plain....... DUMB

Cause I Want U ( Maybe)

Well before I begin, I just wanted to update you on my bridges. Shortly after writing that, I stood at the edge of where those burnt bridges once stood, I looked down at their remains and talked to them. I told them that I hoped all was well even though I couldn't walk over them...and I wished that with total sincerity. They responded by echoing back what I had told them. It looks like quite a few of these bridges could possibly be rebuilt again...

1st Bridge (Little Italy Blvd) = Echoed back, building in other places...may not get rebuilt

2nd bridge (Green St) - Echoed back, building in other places, can possibly be rebuilt

3rd bridge (Memorial Drive)Hasn't echoed back...still waiting

4th bridge (Commons Parkway) Echoed back before I even realized it echoed back, is being rebuilt, still pending walk-ability

So now I guess my question is...can these bridges really be rebuilt from scratch, glued together with pieces left in the rubble or am I just trying to yell across to the other side?

Now to the initial reason for my blogging

So the past sometimes has its funny way of finding you later down the road and making itself into the present. Sometimes it even has the intention of becoming the future. And the funny thing about the past is, you never ever forget it...you carry it everywhere with you, even when you think you've left it somewhere. At least that's what I think.

So with that said, past has come back to me and our meeting was a bit of a shock/surprise to both of us, but I'm glad that it turned out to be good and happy one. While talking to past, I've come to learn that past isn't living in the past anymore, but living in a present that isn't too much different from the past. As past and I converse...questions are answered, explanations are told and become clear, memories are reminisced, smiles smile, and laughs laugh. As past and I continue conversating, I remember why past and I were so good together and why to this day, I still love it. But things have changed since past last saw me, I've grown up a little bit...I'm just a little different now...but somethings about me haven't and that's what pulls past and I back...at least that's what I think. I'm not sure if past, which is now present will turn into future...but I like where it's at now.

Here's to bridges and to past because you found me
but most importantly, to you past....cause I Want U

Why Do U Gotta B Like That?

and Unfortunately this is not a happy blog





I just don't fucking understand you and why you do the things you do.Seriously, do you really think I'm telling you things because I want to be a bitch and piss you off? Because I'm not happy until I know I'm being a pain in your ass? Because I have nothing better to do? Well if that's what you think, THEN YOUR SOOOOOO FUCKING WRONG!

I tell you these things to avoid problems
Avoid aggravation
&
Avoid being upset

I don't know what it is with you. You seem to do what you want to do and not think of anyone else but yourself
And the funny thing is you're sooo use to relying on the excuse that you don't know any better or that you're stupid, that now you don't even do the right thing....barely any way
I just wish you would grown up and stop acting like a little kid
When the fact is you know you're not a little kid
You can do so much on your own but you're too lazy to do it
so you try to take shortcuts for everything
UGHHHHHHHHHH!
I can't speak for anyone but myself on this one but YOU ARE NOT STUPID
YOU JUST DO STUPID THINGS ALL THE TIME
AND THAT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID

When will you realize we won't always be here to help you and get you out of trouble???
When will you realize that???
Hopefully its not too late...

Bridges

Lately...I've been thinking a lot about bridges. Not exactly the bridges you have to cross over because of a river or something like that, but rather the bridges you make with people. If you think about it....and I mean really think about it...wherever you are in life, you have crossed so many bridges. Think of all the people you've met and gotten to know...that's a lot of bridges isn't it? Think of all the places those bridges have taken you, all the things you've experienced (good and bad) because you crossed those bridges...it's something right? So lately I've been thinking about all the bridges I've made, the bridges that I still walk over, the bridges that I've burnt to the ground because the foundation of that bridge[relationship] was faulty, the bridges I'm slowly but surely building, and the bridges I have yet to get to. And this idea of bridges is a bitter sweet one. I love that the bridges I've built and walked over (whether I've walked them once or a bazillion times) have brought me to a somewhere that has led me to here and now. I love that the bridges I still walk over are there to walk over. I'm even happy and excited to know there are bridges I have yet to build and walk over. But what makes me sad are the bridges that felt so safe and secure to walk over but in the end, they weren't, therefore I don't walk over them anymore. Some bridges where so bad that I had to burn them because I knew I loved walking over that bridge so much that even though it wasn't safe to walk them, I would still walk them hoping to get to the other side, a side I wanted to be on.

These bridges have led me to

Friends
Best Friends
Boyfriends
Family
Good Memories
Bad Memories
Different Cities and Places
Experiences
Opportunities
Failures
Accomplishments
Likes
Dislikes
Knowledge
A sense of Community and Family
And Love


Here's to the bridges...to the one's I've built and walked over, to the ones I still walk over, to the ones that no long exist and to the ones I have yet to get to

Hopefully there's a bridge that leads me back to you :)

I Just Don't Know About U Sumtimes

I really hate that lately, most of my blogs have been kinda of negative and ...well frankly about the guys ( that seem to come and go) in my life. So this one, well he started off cool, I felt like I could be my goofball self with him and even share my creativity with him...he's just that kind of person....BUT idk everything seems so sexual with him. Now don't get me wrong, I think sex can be a very funny topic and I enjoy some good ol sexual humor every now n then...but idk...lately it just hasn't been on point * smh* He just seems to be hitting all the wrong buttons with me. We agreed to just talk and just kind of go with the flow * he feels that if he has it in his head that he wants us to be together and grow into something more special that just boyfriend and girlfriend, then it will mess everything up*, however, his humor just seems to be...hmmm....degrading maybe? I can't really explain it, but I just feel like his humor is trying to make me out to be some sort of hoe. Ladies you know what I'm talking about right? Like he's trying to be funny and just get you to open up a bit, but it seems like he's just trying to open up your legs...does that make sense? I think he means well, but DAMN does it just rub me the wrong way. Let me show you the convo

Confused Bellaco (Him): Didn't care too much for it [today]. Gettin a lil tired of my job. trying to find another one during the day. plus, im still sore...would like a massage

Me: I got u

Confused Bellaco: Will it be a Korean massage? lol

Me: Korean?

Confused Bellaco: Korean, Asian, oriental...massage with a happy ending. Get it? lol

Me: :/ oh that. No. it's funny you bring that up cuz after my undergrad I want to become a licensed massage therapist and then go get a degree in physical therapy or sports med to compliment my license. But ever since I told my mom I wanted to do that, she always told me that its not the massage they come in for, it's the happy ending they want. Quite frankly, if I wanted to be a hoe, I wouldn't have graduated high school and pursing a degree in high education. so yea no happy ending with me. Hate to burst your bubble

Confused Bellaco: Wow. I was kidding

Me: I guess we have different senses of humor


DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!


IDK.....

this is the closest I can get to how I'm feeling...Why U Gotta B So Estupid?

U Oughta Know

Hmmm....well peeps, I have another topic to blog about. *Smh* Idk how this happens on days when I really have like a bazillion and 1 things to do....but it does and here it is. So the other day I made a dumb funny simile between giving head and giving up your seat to the old lady on the bus ( which is that if the situation presents itself...u just kinda have to do) * NOW B4 U GET UR PANTIES ALL IN A BUNCH, IM NOT SAYING THATS TRUE, IT WAS JUST A JOKE I MADE* anyhow, I shared this simile with an acquaintance of mine. And so this acquaintance( we will call them Oso) tried connecting dancing with getting head. And I told Oso that I think oral is sex, just a different form of sex and dancing doesn't guarantee you head. Oso laughed it off and asked me to explain myself and truth be told, I couldn't give Oso an exact reason. It's just what I think. I mean for me personally, you don't just give head or have sex with just anyone. For me to do that, I'd have to be seriously involved with a guy, we would have to be boyfriend and girlfriend, trust each other and be comfortable with each other. Oso asked what would a guy get if he was my boyfriend ( but Oso said it as "what comes with the territory [ with being your boyfriend]" * As if becoming a woman's boyfriend is like the Louisiana Purchase...U GET ALL OF THE WESTERN STATES, WTF?!*. I said me... mind, body and spirit but you can't just be like "*hypothetically speaking* o ok I'm your man now, so give me all of u". It doesn't work that way...it takes time. Oso then said "what if we were exclusive :) and I gave you dances" * gave you dances...que eso?* ****By the way, I should mention that I wanted to go dancing with Oso...JUST DANCING**** And I said exclusive what? fuck buddies? And that dancing should be fun, not because you want to get ass out of it. Oso said that fuck buddies were too complicated and that "dancing is a way to a girl's heart, plus it helps getting in her pants too lol stop me if i lie". So I replied back with " Well, if you think that by us going dancing is a way to "help get in my pants" then you are mistaken". Oso said "no I never said that, and chill I was just asking about the dancing and head was a different thing and still there is not sex involved yet lol". I'm not sure what that last red bold italicized line meant...but I told Oso that it's funny cause it sure sounded like they were trying to connect the 2 ( dancing and head), but ok.

Now I don't think any guys are reading this, I'm sure it's just a few good friends who happen to be all girls...so let me ask you this ladies....

1) what do you think about the whole conversation?
2) "What comes with the territory", how would you feel is someone referred to you like that?
3) Dancing = Giving Head ???
4) The way to a girl's heart is dancing...and ultimately the way to getting into her pants?
5) Is it just me or was Oso really trying to connect the 2?
6) Overall...how does this make you feel? Have you ever gone through something similar...that just because your a woman you have to....
Share your responses with me

Thought You'd Oughta Know...

We All Got a Hillbilly Bone

So idk lately I've been listening to Country. I'm not sure if it's because my dad listens to it and it makes me think of him or idk cause I like it...maybe it's both. I've kinda always liked it, but now I'm listening to it more than ever. There's just something beautiful about a good Country song...idk maybe its the guitar or the violins, or the honest to God truth lyrics. I think having Trace Adkins on Celebrity Apprentice convinced me more. hahaha but anyhow. If you've never really listened to Country, I really suggest you do, it will make you laugh, smile, cry, want to drink and just have a good time! :) Here's the lyrics to Hillbilly Bone

Oh man, you've gotta watch where you're stepping around here
Yeah I got a friend in New York City
He's never heard of Connway Twitty
Don't know nothing about grits and greens
Never been south of Queens
But he flew down here on a business trip
I took him honky tonkin' and that was it
He took to it like a pig to mud, like a cow to cud

We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside
No matter where you from you just can't hide it
And when the band starts banging and the fiddle saws
You can't help but hollering, Yee Haw!
When you see them pretty little country queens
Man you gotta admit that's in them genes
Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your
hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone

Nah, you ain't gotta be born out in the sticks
With an F-150 and a 30-06,
Or have a bubba in the family tree
To get on down with me
All you need is an open mind
If it fires you up you gotta let it shine
When it feels so right that it cant be wrong
Come on, come on, come on

We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside
No matter where you from you just can't hide
And when the band starts banging and the fiddle saws
You can't help but hollering, Yee Haw!
When you see them pretty little country queens
Man you gotta admit that's in them genes
Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your
hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone

Come on y'all

We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside
No matter where you from you just can't hide
And when the band starts banging and the fiddle saws
You can't help but hollering, Yee Haw!
When you see them pretty little country queens
Man you gotta admit that's in them genes
Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your
hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone
Hillbilly done ba-bone ba-bone bone
Hillbilly done ba-bone ba-bone bone

:) Funny isn't it? Some country songs that I like
Alcohol - Brad Praisley
Cowboy Casanova & Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Anthing But Mine - Kenny Chesney
Need you Now - Lady Antebellum
Indian Outlaw, I like it I love it, Suspicions, My little Girl - Tim McGaw
You're Gonna Miss this,Fightin' Word - Trace Adkins

theres more but those are just a few.

Just Waiting

I'm here at school waiting for dress rehearsal to begin...neh I'm early by like an hour. But its cool, I think I'll take this time to write about some things that have been on my mind and some things that will just come to me as I write.

Thing # 1)
------> Music theory and my music theory teachers
lol haha just thinking about what I'm going to say makes me laugh. I don't know what it is about theory teachers (I've only had 3 so far), but they all have little stories to tell that some how relate to what the class is talking about....or not ( sometimes its a little joke). But idk theory must really make them happy because I've never seen any of my theory teachers in a bad mood.Yeah there's the occasional they get fustrated with the class because they(the class) didn't do their theory homework or in my case now lol didn't finish their analysis. But they are hardly...ALMOST NEVER in a bad mood...I guess that's why they are theory teachers huh? theory just puts them in a good mood. I must say though, I have fond memories of all 3 of them ( Castleberry or C bear, Sasha and Mandrell (whom I think has a very strong likeness to Jeff Foxworthy). At times I've gotten very fustrated with theory but they always seemed to know how to clear up that confusion. I hope when I get to their ages, I can have fun stories to tell too ( haha that includes Dr. Wilson Melton) hehe :D

Thing # 2
------> Summertime
Ahhh yes! the beautiful summertime...makes me think of a song I wrote. Once yoy read my lyrics, you'll understand why I want it soooo bad.

Summertime - J.N.

Nothin' like sittin on the porch
Summertime, temperatures start to scorch
Kids playing in the sprinkelers
Summertimes brings back memories that were

Relaxing in the shade
Sipping lemonade
Kids so lucky, no school today
So happy summer's here to stay

Nothin' like a needed vacation
Summertime, perfect for celebration
Ice cream melts down your hand
Summer time is for playing in the sand

Relaxing in the shade
Sipping Lemonade
Kids so lucky, no school today
So happy summer's here to stay


So what do you think? Almost makes u feel that sunburn don't it? lol

Thing # 3
------> Loud Ass Women
Hmmm...now if you're reading this, it's because you know me and if you know me then you know that I'm not one to really be quiet BUT! I DO KNOW WHEN IT'S OK TO BE LOUD AND WHEN I SHOULDN'T BE. With that said...I kinda wish these women in front of me would take it down a knotch or take their little "project tea party" elsewhere. While the computer lab doesn't say "shhhhh be quiet" you don't just walk in here on some "OH MY GOD! BLING BLING!" * who even says that anymore???????* (rolls my eyes) hmm oh well...what can you do?

Thing # 4
------> Writing
I don't get to write in my blog too much BUT if I have the time and I feel like writing...THEN I'M FREAKIN BLOGING! But why is it soooooo easy to blog, but when it comes to papers I'm like "ugh....really? why can't it be short response? I don't need to put this in a 5 page paper when I can easily say it in a paragraph...BADA BING-BADA BOOM! *As the Italians say :D*" If I ever became a teacher...blogging would be the new paper...what do you think? Sound easy enough?


Well that's pretty much it, its almost 6:40 and I should start gettin ready to go to the auditorium. Grass ( gracias) for reading!:)

This Love...

Well well well. Remember that guy I told you about in my last blog...well today I came across a poem I wrote while I was talking to him and I shared it with him. He said it was interesting and that he wished i still felt the same way...and I did...just not anymore and for those reasons I've already expressed in the previous blog. So then he went all A-wall and went crazy..pretty much telling me that what I felt for him wasn't real, that I fucked him over, he put his heart on the line, and that if I really felt what I said I did, that I wouldn't have said lets just stay friends and break up. Now.... if anyone put their heart on the line, it was me....I was up and down with that boy, while nothing seemed to faze him. So I told him that I broke things up because I didn't feel what I felt for him and it would have been unfair to both of us if I had just kept on pretending that I did feel that way when I didn't. I also said sorry for hurting him if I did and that I thought for a long time how I was going to say things because I didn't want to hurt him...but lets face it...BREAK UPS ARE NEVER EASY OR PAIN FREE. And then I told him, you know what screw texting, you don't txt this ish, if U wanna talk about it, you call me. 2ndly YOU WERE ALWAYS MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR OUR PAST ARGUMENTS AND THIS WAS IT, YOU WEREN'T GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR WANTING TO BE HAPPY. I told him to call me if he wanted to talk and if not then I'll take it as u don't care. He kept txting me about how I did this and that and wah wah wah wah! * Right bout now I'm thinkn....Dude...stop your whining, take some midol and insert your tampon and calm down* And he told me you wanna do this n that, screw me over "BUT IT'S ALL GOOD...WHATEVER". So I was like dude, if its all good, then just get over it and stop texting me. and he was like ooo u said u weren't gunna text me ( but just b4 that he was asking if i was going to answer him) and im like bye!!!! * Very little kiddy of you*. Like Chi Ill said "Everything I've ever done is sincere so to hellfire to those who disrespect it".
SOOOOO THIS BRINGS ME TO A CONCLUSION....FUCK YOU AND THIS LOVE IS....OVER!!!!

PS. Don't try to tell me what I feel or think...You're not me...entonce. CONAZA PA TI!

I've Got U Under My Skin

WHAT A LONG EXHAUSTING DAY! I went to school, waited FOREVER for my last bus, came home, ate, watched Grease, started feeling sleepy, so I took a nap while listening to Wizards of Waverly Place, woke up and got ready for work. So its been a LONG FREAKING DAY! But whats more important is what happened after I got off of work. While I was walking home, I was txting a guy that I had been talking to for awhile. He had been having some family probs which I think took a toll on our relationship and our feelings towards each other. Now I'm not blaming him nor am I saying I didn't make any mistakes, but sometimes the timing of life sucks and there's just nothing you can do about it but live with it. And we did just that, but I had begun to notice that we hadn't talked in a couple of days and I was starting to become indifferent about it. Which is a bad thing if you are in a relationship with sum1 or thinking of pursuing sum1. The whole point to being with some1 is that they are amazing, they seem to complete you, they are the person you want to share everything with and they make you wish there was more than 24 hours in a day, so you can spend more time with them or talking to them or BOTH! And it just wasn't feeling that way to me anymore. So for almost a week I sat on the idea and began to figure out what I was really feeling and what it meant to me and that lead me to 1 conclusion...While I wanted to be with him, I was so much more happier without him, but I still wanted to remain good friends. So I told him how I felt and surprisingly, he didn't put up a fight ( which is what he normally did when we disagreed about things) all he said was "if that's what you want then fine, I wont force you to be with me". I wish he would have reworded it and said "if that's wat makes you happy, then I'm happy and fine with that." But o well. And maybe I'm concluding too much, but if that's the case, then maybe he was feeling the same thing but didn't want to say anything. Or maybe he was just too tired to fight for it. But for what ever reason he didn't, that doesn't change the fact that I FEEL GREAT!!! I told him how I felt and we agreed to stay good friends. so YAY! But if I had to put into words what this feels like..its like losing dead weight or shedding dead skin or cutting off those 2 inches of split ends lol I feel almost like a butterfly who just came out from a cocoon and IM AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL! :) I am ready to start a new and welcome new people into my life and just have fun!!! Life is great!!! It may really suck one day but that doesn't mean it can be beautiful later. So with that said....TAKE IT AWAY MR. SINATRA!

Vampires and Such

So today in my English class, I spent idk a good hmm....10 mins talking to my friend about a book I’m currently reading ( Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter). I must say I’m very surprised with the book. I am really not into American history...its just not my thing, BUT this book ties the theme of vampires sooo well into American history that it makes you wonder....did this really happen ( it also makes me think that if American History was this interesting…I would have passed American History with Mr.Rasar with an A)? While I don't want to spoil the book or the movie for anyone, I DO SUGGEST U READ THE BOOK and SEE THE MOVIE! The book is freakin awesome!!!! But this isn’t the reason for my blog; the reason for my blog today is the realizations of similarities between cultures and to question are vampires really real? I thought about it…maybe vampires are real…or at least there is some truth to their existence. Think about it, in almost every culture there is this image of a human looking being that has fangs where the canine teeth would be in the human mouth. It is thought that this being feeds on animals and humans alike for blood, and it scares people. So my friend and I then started to talk about the inspiration for vampires. I brought up the chupacabra, which I think is an ugly looking dog-like creature that hunts animals as a means of food. I’ve never seen 1, but they say it hunts sheep and brutally kills the animal, with blood all over the place. So there’s one. My friend then brought up bats…I thought about it…that would have been a good inspiration for the idea of vampires and the comparison. Vampires are commonly associated with bats because due to Hollywood, Vampires can turn into bats. Which given what I know about vampire behavior it makes sense. Bats have these coal black eyes, they aren’t cute and cuddly looking, the fly at night, hide in caves and hunt at night. The vampire has coal black eyes, I definitely wouldn’t wanna cuddle with one (unless it was Lestat….thank you Ann Rice), they fly and jump to incredible heights, they love the dark hence coffins and the sunglasses, and they hunt at night. Sooooo who knows if vampires are real or not or just some fantasy creature that man made up in their head based off scary things/animals. But idk if that’s the case; if it is in fact just made up…then we got some good ass story tellers and imaginative people.

Fave Vampire Movies

1) The Lost Boys

2) Interview with a Vampire

3) Queen of the Dammed

4) Monster Squad

5) *Soon to be* Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter

Beginner

I now have a blog, which in a way I'm surprised because I told myself before I wasn't going to....but here I am. I guess this is kind of a newer Xanga huh? Anyone remember Xanga?
Anywho, my blog will serve as my medium to write my thoughts on, vent frustrations, share my accomplishments, share my poems and maybe even short stories and just something to just help me unwind after long days at school and or work. So here's to you blogspot * salud*.

"We can never do just one thing"
- My Science teacher ( Mr. Jones)