Aren't You a Little Stinker :P

Hmm, well before I had a lil scare with my kitty, Lieben, I was totally prepared to give this full figured speech/blog...splog? Naw guess not, but anyway I was prepared to lay it all on the line going full speed to Dickhead-ville. My adrenaline has taken my firey punch away...well some of it, but I'm still gonna put this out there. Now, I'm going try to make this short,possibly sweet and simple because this pretty little lady has gotta be up for class tomorrow morning, but nevertheless, this has to be said. Sooooooo on one of my social networking sites, my current status is "I stand corrected guys, still SMH. I try to be nice but I can't help it if you're a douchebag...sry LOL" I know it sounds a little harsh and yeah I'm no Miss Universe, but still....really guys? I can't tell you how exhausting it is for a guy to start talking to you, and your "THIS GUY IS THIRSTY FOR PUSSY!!!" meter goes off....umm I think theres another word for that....oh yeah, a woman's intuition. Anyways, call it what you want, but a red flag raises up on your end and now you're stuck talking to a guy that can't get his dick wet even if he drooled on it. At this point your face is like
<------- FML

So then he goes off telling you how he doesn't want friends with benefits, he wants a real girl (Sorry Pinocchio). Then he goes off saying how he just wants someone to be serious with, and all this blah blah blah blah blah. What it all translates into is "Nawwwww Cowardly Lion, you won't get a heart, but follow the yellow brick road anyway down to my City of Oz." And the funny part is he thinks that if he tells you he wants a "relationship", "something serious", that you'll be like "awww sooo sweet! He's too much of a gentleman to want anything sexually, he just wants live out the lyrics to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream, which OMG! IS MY FAVORITE SONG EVAR!" Omg and here's the best part, even though you both go back and forth on the subject of what is left of a relationship if all you have is sex, and he insists that what you're saying isn't true, he then finally ends the convo saying "everything leads to sex and thats what I WANT!" Then he starts to macho man himself up by saying that the reason you're not a sex enthusiast (like him) is because you haven't had sex with him, that you don't know what "a man feels like", that hes "top notch" and "never fails." WTF IS THIS? A CHEVY COMMERCIAL FROM BACK IN THE DAY WHEN THEY USED THE SONG "LIKE A ROCK"? ha lol pun intended!

At that point you want to just agree to disagree, BUT YOU CAN'T! Nooooooo Lassy! As an educated woman who won't stand for such objectifying and lies YOU MUST TELL HIM HOW IT IS, YOU MUST HOLD UP THAT MIRROR AND LET HIM KNOW HE'S NO *insert you vibrator's pet name* AND HE ISN'T NEARLY AS GOOD AS YOUR BLUE DOLPHIN!!! Once you do so, he will reply in some misogynistic manner like "FUCK U BITCH", "YOU'RE UGLY AND FAT" or both if you really pissed him off. Or he may just say "wow BYE", like that's suppose to hurt you. By then you should be LAUGHING YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF because not only did catch on to him quick, you shoved his words back in his face, and because he will probably have to rub one out. His behavior is one of a serious matter because to the infected person, the side effects are dormant ( not visible), but to you that mofo REEKS of Summer's Eve....its a little something I like to call ULTRA MEGA DOUCHEBAG SYNDROME! Now this infectious disease will get you regardless if you're wearing Ed Hardy or not, bronzed up or pale, wearing sunglasses in the club or a neck brace. It's totally color blind and not at all discriminate towards its potential carrier. So here's to you douchebag :)

By the way, I read this in a book called "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" - Tucker Max, I'm pretty sure his misogynistic friend said it

"If it lacks a price, it is probably worthless"

Just an FYI

Enjoy the music douchebag :P