Doing My Laundry

Maybe I'm going through an enlightenment period or something because I'm really coming to terms with realization. Its obvious what Ive come to terms with because of previous blogs, but heres a new realization. I've realized that in life, no matter who you are, where your from or what ever the circumstance, its sooooo easy to be selfish. What really takes a lot of work is being a person who is selfless. Sometimes when life gets really really hard, I think how easy life would be if I wasn't there, not only for me but for others.Like right now, my parents don't have 1 child, but they still have me, would it matter if they had neither? What would happen? Would things get worse? Would things be cheaper? Would things be happy? Would they notice I was gone? Would life be as quiet as it is now, or would it be loud? I have my own speculations to some of those answers, but to be completely honest, I really don't know. Sometimes I feel like I would wanna know, but if I take myself, then I wouldn't ever know, would I? Thinking like this scares me. I'm not too religious, but I believe in a heaven, hell,god,devil, and sins. So when I start thinking like this, I feel like its not me thinking. Like its something bad, something thats not human-like. So i quickly weigh the good and the bad in my head and i realize good wins. So maybe I'm not too far gone, but far enough to explore the inner caverns of my mind. But getting back to my whole realization of selfishness vs. selflessness. I guess my parents are examples of being selfless. they give their all to my brother and I, regardless of where that leaves them. and i guess given my certain change of heart, I'm becoming more selfless. growing up is all about learning everything and anything about you, your surroundings, feelings and situations. glad theres friends who understand that and a blank page to accept my mental tattoos.