Lately...I've been thinking a lot about bridges. Not exactly the bridges you have to cross over because of a river or something like that, but rather the bridges you make with people. If you think about it....and I mean really think about it...wherever you are in life, you have crossed so many bridges. Think of all the people you've met and gotten to know...that's a lot of bridges isn't it? Think of all the places those bridges have taken you, all the things you've experienced (good and bad) because you crossed those bridges...it's something right? So lately I've been thinking about all the bridges I've made, the bridges that I still walk over, the bridges that I've burnt to the ground because the foundation of that bridge[relationship] was faulty, the bridges I'm slowly but surely building, and the bridges I have yet to get to. And this idea of bridges is a bitter sweet one. I love that the bridges I've built and walked over (whether I've walked them once or a bazillion times) have brought me to a somewhere that has led me to here and now. I love that the bridges I still walk over are there to walk over. I'm even happy and excited to know there are bridges I have yet to build and walk over. But what makes me sad are the bridges that felt so safe and secure to walk over but in the end, they weren't, therefore I don't walk over them anymore. Some bridges where so bad that I had to burn them because I knew I loved walking over that bridge so much that even though it wasn't safe to walk them, I would still walk them hoping to get to the other side, a side I wanted to be on.
These bridges have led me to
Friends Best Friends Boyfriends Family Good Memories Bad Memories Different Cities and Places Experiences Opportunities Failures Accomplishments Likes Dislikes Knowledge A sense of Community and Family And Love
Here's to the bridges...to the one's I've built and walked over, to the ones I still walk over, to the ones that no long exist and to the ones I have yet to get to
Hopefully there's a bridge that leads me back to you :)
I really hate that lately, most of my blogs have been kinda of negative and ...well frankly about the guys ( that seem to come and go) in my life. So this one, well he started off cool, I felt like I could be my goofball self with him and even share my creativity with him...he's just that kind of person....BUT idk everything seems so sexual with him. Now don't get me wrong, I think sex can be a very funny topic and I enjoy some good ol sexual humor every now n then...but idk...lately it just hasn't been on point * smh* He just seems to be hitting all the wrong buttons with me. We agreed to just talk and just kind of go with the flow * he feels that if he has it in his head that he wants us to be together and grow into something more special that just boyfriend and girlfriend, then it will mess everything up*, however, his humor just seems to be...hmmm....degrading maybe? I can't really explain it, but I just feel like his humor is trying to make me out to be some sort of hoe. Ladies you know what I'm talking about right? Like he's trying to be funny and just get you to open up a bit, but it seems like he's just trying to open up your legs...does that make sense? I think he means well, but DAMN does it just rub me the wrong way. Let me show you the convo
Confused Bellaco (Him): Didn't care too much for it [today]. Gettin a lil tired of my job. trying to find another one during the day. plus, im still sore...would like a massage
Me: I got u
Confused Bellaco: Will it be a Korean massage? lol
Me: Korean?
Confused Bellaco: Korean, Asian, oriental...massage with a happy ending. Get it? lol
Me: :/ oh that. No. it's funny you bring that up cuz after my undergrad I want to become a licensed massage therapist and then go get a degree in physical therapy or sports med to compliment my license. But ever since I told my mom I wanted to do that, she always told me that its not the massage they come in for, it's the happy ending they want. Quite frankly, if I wanted to be a hoe, I wouldn't have graduated high school and pursing a degree in high education. so yea no happy ending with me. Hate to burst your bubble
Confused Bellaco: Wow. I was kidding
Me: I guess we have different senses of humor
DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?! IDK.....
this is the closest I can get to how I'm feeling...Why U Gotta B So Estupid?
Hmmm....well peeps, I have another topic to blog about. *Smh* Idk how this happens on days when I really have like a bazillion and 1 things to do....but it does and here it is. So the other day I made a dumb funny simile between giving head and giving up your seat to the old lady on the bus ( which is that if the situation presents itself...u just kinda have to do) * NOW B4 U GET UR PANTIES ALL IN A BUNCH, IM NOT SAYING THATS TRUE, IT WAS JUST A JOKE I MADE* anyhow, I shared this simile with an acquaintance of mine. And so this acquaintance( we will call them Oso) tried connecting dancing with getting head. And I told Oso that I think oral is sex, just a different form of sex and dancing doesn't guarantee you head. Oso laughed it off and asked me to explain myself and truth be told, I couldn't give Oso an exact reason. It's just what I think. I mean for me personally, you don't just give head or have sex with just anyone. For me to do that, I'd have to be seriously involved with a guy, we would have to be boyfriend and girlfriend, trust each other and be comfortable with each other. Oso asked what would a guy get if he was my boyfriend ( but Oso said it as "what comes with the territory [ with being your boyfriend]" * As if becoming a woman's boyfriend is like the Louisiana Purchase...U GET ALL OF THE WESTERN STATES, WTF?!*. I said me... mind, body and spirit but you can't just be like "*hypothetically speaking* o ok I'm your man now, so give me all of u". It doesn't work that way...it takes time. Oso then said "what if we were exclusive :) and I gave you dances" * gave you dances...que eso?* ****By the way, I should mention that I wanted to go dancing with Oso...JUST DANCING**** And I said exclusive what? fuck buddies? And that dancing should be fun, not because you want to get ass out of it. Oso said that fuck buddies were too complicated and that "dancing is a way to a girl's heart, plus it helps getting in her pants too lol stop me if i lie". So I replied back with " Well, if you think that by us going dancing is a way to "help get in my pants" then you are mistaken". Oso said "no I never said that, and chill I was just asking about the dancing and head was a different thing and still there is not sex involved yet lol". I'm not sure what that last red bold italicized line meant...but I told Oso that it's funny cause it sure sounded like they were trying to connect the 2 ( dancing and head), but ok.
Now I don't think any guys are reading this, I'm sure it's just a few good friends who happen to be all girls...so let me ask you this ladies....
1) what do you think about the whole conversation? 2) "What comes with the territory", how would you feel is someone referred to you like that? 3) Dancing = Giving Head ??? 4) The way to a girl's heart is dancing...and ultimately the way to getting into her pants? 5) Is it just me or was Oso really trying to connect the 2? 6) Overall...how does this make you feel? Have you ever gone through something similar...that just because your a woman you have to.... Share your responses with me
So idk lately I've been listening to Country. I'm not sure if it's because my dad listens to it and it makes me think of him or idk cause I like it...maybe it's both. I've kinda always liked it, but now I'm listening to it more than ever. There's just something beautiful about a good Country song...idk maybe its the guitar or the violins, or the honest to God truth lyrics. I think having Trace Adkins on Celebrity Apprentice convinced me more. hahaha but anyhow. If you've never really listened to Country, I really suggest you do, it will make you laugh, smile, cry, want to drink and just have a good time! :) Here's the lyrics to Hillbilly Bone
Oh man, you've gotta watch where you're stepping around here Yeah I got a friend in New York City He's never heard of Connway Twitty Don't know nothing about grits and greens Never been south of Queens But he flew down here on a business trip I took him honky tonkin' and that was it He took to it like a pig to mud, like a cow to cud
We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside No matter where you from you just can't hide it And when the band starts banging and the fiddle saws You can't help but hollering, Yee Haw! When you see them pretty little country queens Man you gotta admit that's in them genes Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone
Nah, you ain't gotta be born out in the sticks With an F-150 and a 30-06, Or have a bubba in the family tree To get on down with me All you need is an open mind If it fires you up you gotta let it shine When it feels so right that it cant be wrong Come on, come on, come on
We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside No matter where you from you just can't hide And when the band starts banging and the fiddle saws You can't help but hollering, Yee Haw! When you see them pretty little country queens Man you gotta admit that's in them genes Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone
Come on y'all
We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside No matter where you from you just can't hide And when the band starts banging and the fiddle saws You can't help but hollering, Yee Haw! When you see them pretty little country queens Man you gotta admit that's in them genes Ain't nothing wrong, just getting on your hillbilly bone-ba-bone-ba-bone-bone Hillbilly done ba-bone ba-bone bone Hillbilly done ba-bone ba-bone bone
:) Funny isn't it? Some country songs that I like Alcohol - Brad Praisley Cowboy Casanova & Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood Anthing But Mine - Kenny Chesney Need you Now - Lady Antebellum Indian Outlaw, I like it I love it, Suspicions, My little Girl - Tim McGaw You're Gonna Miss this,Fightin' Word - Trace Adkins
I'm here at school waiting for dress rehearsal to begin...neh I'm early by like an hour. But its cool, I think I'll take this time to write about some things that have been on my mind and some things that will just come to me as I write.
Thing # 1) ------> Music theory and my music theory teachers lol haha just thinking about what I'm going to say makes me laugh. I don't know what it is about theory teachers (I've only had 3 so far), but they all have little stories to tell that some how relate to what the class is talking about....or not ( sometimes its a little joke). But idk theory must really make them happy because I've never seen any of my theory teachers in a bad mood.Yeah there's the occasional they get fustrated with the class because they(the class) didn't do their theory homework or in my case now lol didn't finish their analysis. But they are hardly...ALMOST NEVER in a bad mood...I guess that's why they are theory teachers huh? theory just puts them in a good mood. I must say though, I have fond memories of all 3 of them ( Castleberry or C bear, Sasha and Mandrell (whom I think has a very strong likeness to Jeff Foxworthy). At times I've gotten very fustrated with theory but they always seemed to know how to clear up that confusion. I hope when I get to their ages, I can have fun stories to tell too ( haha that includes Dr. Wilson Melton) hehe :D
Thing # 2 ------> Summertime Ahhh yes! the beautiful summertime...makes me think of a song I wrote. Once yoy read my lyrics, you'll understand why I want it soooo bad.
Summertime - J.N.
Nothin' like sittin on the porch Summertime, temperatures start to scorch Kids playing in the sprinkelers Summertimes brings back memories that were
Relaxing in the shade Sipping lemonade Kids so lucky, no school today So happy summer's here to stay
Nothin' like a needed vacation Summertime, perfect for celebration Ice cream melts down your hand Summer time is for playing in the sand
Relaxing in the shade Sipping Lemonade Kids so lucky, no school today So happy summer's here to stay
So what do you think? Almost makes u feel that sunburn don't it? lol
Thing # 3 ------> Loud Ass Women Hmmm...now if you're reading this, it's because you know me and if you know me then you know that I'm not one to really be quiet BUT! I DO KNOW WHEN IT'S OK TO BE LOUD AND WHEN I SHOULDN'T BE. With that said...I kinda wish these women in front of me would take it down a knotch or take their little "project tea party" elsewhere. While the computer lab doesn't say "shhhhh be quiet" you don't just walk in here on some "OH MY GOD! BLING BLING!" * who even says that anymore???????* (rolls my eyes) hmm oh well...what can you do?
Thing # 4 ------> Writing I don't get to write in my blog too much BUT if I have the time and I feel like writing...THEN I'M FREAKIN BLOGING! But why is it soooooo easy to blog, but when it comes to papers I'm like "ugh....really? why can't it be short response? I don't need to put this in a 5 page paper when I can easily say it in a paragraph...BADA BING-BADA BOOM! *As the Italians say :D*" If I ever became a teacher...blogging would be the new paper...what do you think? Sound easy enough?
Well that's pretty much it, its almost 6:40 and I should start gettin ready to go to the auditorium. Grass ( gracias) for reading!:)
Well well well. Remember that guy I told you about in my last blog...well today I came across a poem I wrote while I was talking to him and I shared it with him. He said it was interesting and that he wished i still felt the same way...and I did...just not anymore and for those reasons I've already expressed in the previous blog. So then he went all A-wall and went crazy..pretty much telling me that what I felt for him wasn't real, that I fucked him over, he put his heart on the line, and that if I really felt what I said I did, that I wouldn't have said lets just stay friends and break up. Now.... if anyone put their heart on the line, it was me....I was up and down with that boy, while nothing seemed to faze him. So I told him that I broke things up because I didn't feel what I felt for him and it would have been unfair to both of us if I had just kept on pretending that I did feel that way when I didn't. I also said sorry for hurting him if I did and that I thought for a long time how I was going to say things because I didn't want to hurt him...but lets face it...BREAK UPS ARE NEVER EASY OR PAIN FREE. And then I told him, you know what screw texting, you don't txt this ish, if U wanna talk about it, you call me. 2ndly YOU WERE ALWAYS MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR OUR PAST ARGUMENTS AND THIS WAS IT, YOU WEREN'T GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR WANTING TO BE HAPPY. I told him to call me if he wanted to talk and if not then I'll take it as u don't care. He kept txting me about how I did this and that and wah wah wah wah! * Right bout now I'm thinkn....Dude...stop your whining, take some midol and insert your tampon and calm down* And he told me you wanna do this n that, screw me over "BUT IT'S ALL GOOD...WHATEVER". So I was like dude, if its all good, then just get over it and stop texting me. and he was like ooo u said u weren't gunna text me ( but just b4 that he was asking if i was going to answer him) and im like bye!!!! * Very little kiddy of you*. Like Chi Ill said "Everything I've ever done is sincere so to hellfire to those who disrespect it". SOOOOO THIS BRINGS ME TO A CONCLUSION....FUCK YOU AND THIS LOVE IS....OVER!!!!
PS. Don't try to tell me what I feel or think...You're not me...entonce. CONAZA PA TI!
WHAT A LONG EXHAUSTING DAY! I went to school, waited FOREVER for my last bus, came home, ate, watched Grease, started feeling sleepy, so I took a nap while listening to Wizards of Waverly Place, woke up and got ready for work. So its been a LONG FREAKING DAY! But whats more important is what happened after I got off of work. While I was walking home, I was txting a guy that I had been talking to for awhile. He had been having some family probs which I think took a toll on our relationship and our feelings towards each other. Now I'm not blaming him nor am I saying I didn't make any mistakes, but sometimes the timing of life sucks and there's just nothing you can do about it but live with it. And we did just that, but I had begun to notice that we hadn't talked in a couple of days and I was starting to become indifferent about it. Which is a bad thing if you are in a relationship with sum1 or thinking of pursuing sum1. The whole point to being with some1 is that they are amazing, they seem to complete you, they are the person you want to share everything with and they make you wish there was more than 24 hours in a day, so you can spend more time with them or talking to them or BOTH! And it just wasn't feeling that way to me anymore. So for almost a week I sat on the idea and began to figure out what I was really feeling and what it meant to me and that lead me to 1 conclusion...While I wanted to be with him, I was so much more happier without him, but I still wanted to remain good friends. So I told him how I felt and surprisingly, he didn't put up a fight ( which is what he normally did when we disagreed about things) all he said was "if that's what you want then fine, I wont force you to be with me". I wish he would have reworded it and said "if that's wat makes you happy, then I'm happy and fine with that." But o well. And maybe I'm concluding too much, but if that's the case, then maybe he was feeling the same thing but didn't want to say anything. Or maybe he was just too tired to fight for it. But for what ever reason he didn't, that doesn't change the fact that I FEEL GREAT!!! I told him how I felt and we agreed to stay good friends. so YAY! But if I had to put into words what this feels like..its like losing dead weight or shedding dead skin or cutting off those 2 inches of split ends lol I feel almost like a butterfly who just came out from a cocoon and IM AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL! :) I am ready to start a new and welcome new people into my life and just have fun!!! Life is great!!! It may really suck one day but that doesn't mean it can be beautiful later. So with that said....TAKE IT AWAY MR. SINATRA!
